Everyone has a story

Everyone has a story. Whether it includes happiness, heartache, joy, sorrow...it's still a story. I've been thinking a lot lately about my life so far. I'm 19 but I've gone through and have done so much. We each have experiences that mold us into who we are. But just because we came from a hard past, doesn't mean our present and future has to be difficult. If you're willing to stick around, here's my story.

I was born in the capital of California. I came from an average family. My mom was the super mom you always hear about. My dad worked hard to provide us with a good life. My siblings are all quite older than me so I spent a lot of time playing by myself or with other friends my age. My parents raised us Mormon. We had family home evening most Monday nights and read our scriptures together whenever we remembered. When I was 8 we moved to little ole Lacey, Washington. I remember telling my friends we were moving because my parents hated the traffic and I had a friend tell me to just move to Orange County. HA! It's funny what we remember from our childhood. =) I liked Washington, minus the loads of rain of course. I made friends right off the bat. I enjoyed to play outside and to go out with friends. Looking from the outside in, you would think I was the typical kid in a middle class family. In 7th grade my mother got very sick. I remember one day seeing my mom laying on the couch crying out in pain. My dad took her to the emergency room and they admitted her to the hospital.The doctor's couldn't figure out what it was. "Maybe it's her gall bladder. Or Maybe it's her appendix." Finally after sending all her chart notes, lab work, and images all up and down the coast, a doctor realized what the problem was. You see, you have a void in your abdomen that usually doesn't cause an issue to your health. But my mom's intestines had gotten kinked up inside that void and was causing her to be in extreme pain and severe dehydration. She was only hours away from dying before this miracle of a doctor saw the issue. They prepped her for surgery and fixed her right up. As most people know, hospitals are walking infections. My mom caught an infection from the hospital and her wound had to be reopened and cleaned out everyday as it healed itself. I cleaned her wound every morning and every evening for months. At 12 years old, I knew it was my job to take care of her and help her get back to full health. You see, my mom and I are as close as it gets. We are very similar and we have this amazing bond between each other.
A few months after my mom's life saving surgery, my dad got fired from his job. This caused extra stress on our family. How would we pay for our house, our food, our cars? At the time I didn't really understand just how much this would change our life but looking back I can see what a life altering thing it was. My dad spent the next 3 or so years bobbing from job to job but with the economy, it was hard to find anything that was permanent.
In 8th grade I met Bryce Gorsuch. I thought he was the weird new kid and wasn't sure if we would become friends. Little did I know he would become my best friend, love of my life, my husband. My freshman year I was very lost. I didn't like school anymore. I wanted to just have fun, get attention from boys, and not care about what anyone thought of me. I made some very poor choices and lost some very good friends. One good choice I made freshman year was to start dating Bryce. He had been there for me through so much. He was there no matter what screw up I made or who I dated. He showed me what true Christ-like love was. I knew from then on I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to do better at school and be a better friend. Little did I know, I was about to become 15, pregnant, and very depressed. I knew I was pregnant as soon as I missed my first period. I kept it in for 2 months. I didn't want to face my mom and tell her I screwed up and was going to be a mom myself. Once I did tell her, I didn't feel any better. She told my siblings and my dad for me. I was so scared my dad would kick me out of the house. He didn't but he was so disappointed in me. My sister and I got into a huge fight over it and we stopped talking for a while. I didn't have any friends. My family was so mad at me. I was alone except for Bryce and our soon to be child. I suffered from anxiety and depression for a little while before I got pregnant. Being pregnant and in such a tough situation just made it even worse. I suffered from multiple panic attacks while pregnant and eventually got on medication to help. The months after having Jace were harder than I ever thought. Yes I had this beautiful new son and a family but we couldn't be together. I had Jace constantly since I wasn't comfortable to be away from him. Bryce wasn't allowed over to my house everyday to help out and I wasn't comfortable being in a home that wasn't mine. Bryce missed out on a lot when Jace was a newborn. I take responsibility for a lot of it. I sometimes have selfish tendencies. Junior year approaches and I'm not looking forward to being at school all day long without my son. My mom was such a blessing and brought him and lunch to me every day. It didn't take away the pain of being gone all day but it made it easier. In November of our junior year, Bryce's dad lost his foot in Afghanistan. Now this next part I haven't many people. Actually, I just told Bryce the truth a couple weeks ago. I dropped out of high school in February, not because I couldn't handle school problems or because I wanted to move on to better things. I dropped out of high school because I was scared that Bryce's family would move across country for treatment and Jace and I would lose Bryce or I would lose both of them. I wanted to drop out so that I could move with them and not be a burden or a problem. My plan was to get a job and start school for Medical Assisting. Bryce's family ended up not moving and I started school a few months later. Things were so hard. Bryce and I took on so much responsibility with his little brothers and trying to raise our son together. It made life very hard for a while. In the moment I was overwhelmed. I had so many emotions running through me and no one to talk to and help me out. Later in the year, Bryce's parents came back to Washington and things we working there way back together.
Bryce and I got married August 31st, 2012. We first moved into my parents downstairs. My dad had very strong feelings of anger toward me and my new little family. He was still mad about me getting pregnant so young. 6 months later, we moved in with Bryce's family to try and alleviate some of the tension between me and my father. Bryce's and mine relationship then took a huge hit. We were arguing all the time. My panic attacks came back and worse. I thought for sure we were headed for divorce. At this time my parents were talking about moving to Texas with my sister. (What I didn't mention earlier was that my sister and I only stopped talking for a few months and then we made up and become closer than ever.) I was about 4 months pregnant with Tessa when Jace and I moved with my parents to Texas. We were apart for only 1 month before Bryce moved down with us. We made things work. We realized that divorce was not an option for us. Our children deserved us to be together and to make things work no matter what. In January of 2014 we welcomed Miss Tessa into our family. While in Texas we didn't go to church. We tried a few different ones but never found the right one that was our home. We soon realized that my parents were going to get a divorce. Their marriage was not full of happiness and love anymore and my mom was waiting on us to move out to leave my dad. Bryce and I talked and decided that we were going to move back to Washington. We didn't have a church in Texas, we didn't feel at home in Texas, and my mom wanted to leave my dad. We had all these good reasons to move but it didn't make it any easier. Moving back to Washington is the first time ever that I haven't lived at the most 5 minutes away from my mom. This is what growing up is I guess.
The morning of our flight back to Washington Bryce's sister was in a major car crash. His parents and brothers flew out there to be with her for a week and then Bryce's dad and brothers came back to Washington. The transition from moving away from my family, moving into a home that's not ours, and taking on a TON of responsibility that we weren't used to, was not easy to put it simply. It's been a couple months now and we have gotten into the groove and gotten the kinks worked out.
If you'd made it this far in my story, you may be wondering, "Why share all this now?" I choose to share my story for me, for others. I share it for me because there is something so therapeutic about getting everything all out there and not keeping any secrets beyond a chosen couple. I share my story for others so that maybe one day someone will read this and see that even when life is hard and you think you've screwed it up. There is a happy ending.
My story isn't over at moving to Washington and having everything finally settle down. My story is just beginning. Stay tuned for the next chapter. ;)