The nights suck.

It's been a couple days since Bryce has left. The days are getting easier, the nights are harder. I miss him. The kids miss him. I knew what we were getting into but the reality is far harder. I've still been working and trying to keep things normal. How can things be normal when a fourth of our lives is gone? I never realized just how much he does for us. It's not the big things I miss, just the little ones. I married him with the expectation to share our lives together and here I sit without an address to send his letters and without him actually here. I know he is there for me and the kids. I know he is providing for us. I know we decided on this together but I was not prepared for it. I can handle the kids on my own. That's the easy part. I can be understanding with them because I know they miss their dad. It's when the babies go to bed and I'm alone. I sit in our bed trying to fill the time until I can finally pass out. I fear falling asleep because what if I have another nightmare or a panic attack and he isn't there to rub my back and remind me to breath. This is the part that sucks. He's there growing and learning so much. He's moving forward in his life. I feel like I'm stuck. It's like life is standing still. I know it's only been a few days and I'm praying many prayers that it gets easier.

BUT

I know I am strong. I can handle this. I can make it through the next 10+ weeks stronger than ever. My relationship with the kids will only grow stronger. My confidence will at an all time high. I'm excited for this adventure, as scary as it is. I've never been more proud of Bryce than I do now. He is so selfless and the best husband/dad ever! He is strictly doing this to better our family situation. We are an Army strong family now. =)